X-Men issue 211 marked a fundamental change in the way I viewed the comic medium.
Up until this point, the only time in my Marvel experience that death was visited upon the bad was either by accident or by characters who personified the term "antihero" (Wolverine, Punisher, etc) - the sort of chap whom the term "bad form, that" is as much their theme tune as "arrrgh! nononono! help!!".
Look, killing happened but the good guys didn't do it, all right?
My life....
Anyhoo, Marvel created a crossover (i.e. a story that was told over all the major characters own comic books) called The Mutant Massacre, in which, for some inexplicable reason, cold sneering types in questionably skin-tight spandex discovered a relatively peaceful bunch of, you guessed it, mutants (known as "The Morlocks"), living in the sewers and tunnels below New York, and started killing them. Not "biff!pow!Take that hero scum!" but "Bang bang - you're dead baby doll" (an actual quote from one of the ruffians).
Put into Marvel context, for me, this was like watching Morcombe and Wise in a porn movie - shocking, terrifying and strangely interesting at the same time.
So, the sneerers (called "Marauders") armed with both guns and superpowers systematically murdered every one that they saw.
Whoa there hoss, I hear you cry, what about these bleedin' X-Men? Aren't they supposed to help? Aren't they heroes?
Exactly, so at this point, I'm thinking "just you wait, naughty sneering Marauder types, my fellows will show you what for!" .
Unfortunately, or to be blunt, staggeringly, this is not the case.
In the X-Men charge, chins high, teeth a-gleam with more muscle definition than they know what to do with and are cut to pieces.
Shadowcat (a 14 year old who turns intangible) is frozen in her ghost like state
Nightcrawler (Errol Flynn in a devil Smurf outfit) is shredded and put in a coma
Angel ( a former X-Man) is crucified
You reading this? Its supposed to be "biff!pow! take that bad chaps!", and this happens.
Then the reason for this post happens:
One team member, Colossus, leaps to the aid of his fallen friends.
The nearest naughty chap, Riptide, delights in the ability to spin at over 10,000rpm, gaily throwing shuriken as he does (there is a "he should have run out by now" undercurrent going on, but leave your disbelief at reception) and is responsible for killing the majority of the people in the battle.
As Colossus - a solid steel Russian who uses trees as baseball bats - closes in on Riptide, we get treated to the gloat of "at hurricane strength winds you can punch a piece of straw through solid oak, and I can spin WAY faster than that".
Then you notice that the bullet proof, ZZAP! proof, basically Hulk-proof Colossus has a number of shuriken sticking out of him.
"Good grief, he's going to die" I thought.
No.
Colossus sees Shadowcat (struck by a spear by a chap named "Harpoon"), sees Nightcrawler (put into a coma by Riptide) and then grabs the chap by the throat.
And then snaps his neck.
Killing him.
At this point, I reckon around 75% of the teenage population of the world said "fuck" with their jaw below sea-level.
And the coup-de-grace is delivered thus: "Harpoon! Make peace with your god, little man - you are next".
Up until this point, the only time in my Marvel experience that death was visited upon the bad was either by accident or by characters who personified the term "antihero" (Wolverine, Punisher, etc) - the sort of chap whom the term "bad form, that" is as much their theme tune as "arrrgh! nononono! help!!".
Look, killing happened but the good guys didn't do it, all right?
My life....
Anyhoo, Marvel created a crossover (i.e. a story that was told over all the major characters own comic books) called The Mutant Massacre, in which, for some inexplicable reason, cold sneering types in questionably skin-tight spandex discovered a relatively peaceful bunch of, you guessed it, mutants (known as "The Morlocks"), living in the sewers and tunnels below New York, and started killing them. Not "biff!pow!Take that hero scum!" but "Bang bang - you're dead baby doll" (an actual quote from one of the ruffians).
Put into Marvel context, for me, this was like watching Morcombe and Wise in a porn movie - shocking, terrifying and strangely interesting at the same time.
So, the sneerers (called "Marauders") armed with both guns and superpowers systematically murdered every one that they saw.
Whoa there hoss, I hear you cry, what about these bleedin' X-Men? Aren't they supposed to help? Aren't they heroes?
Exactly, so at this point, I'm thinking "just you wait, naughty sneering Marauder types, my fellows will show you what for!" .
Unfortunately, or to be blunt, staggeringly, this is not the case.
In the X-Men charge, chins high, teeth a-gleam with more muscle definition than they know what to do with and are cut to pieces.
Shadowcat (a 14 year old who turns intangible) is frozen in her ghost like state
Nightcrawler (Errol Flynn in a devil Smurf outfit) is shredded and put in a coma
Angel ( a former X-Man) is crucified
You reading this? Its supposed to be "biff!pow! take that bad chaps!", and this happens.
Then the reason for this post happens:
One team member, Colossus, leaps to the aid of his fallen friends.
The nearest naughty chap, Riptide, delights in the ability to spin at over 10,000rpm, gaily throwing shuriken as he does (there is a "he should have run out by now" undercurrent going on, but leave your disbelief at reception) and is responsible for killing the majority of the people in the battle.
As Colossus - a solid steel Russian who uses trees as baseball bats - closes in on Riptide, we get treated to the gloat of "at hurricane strength winds you can punch a piece of straw through solid oak, and I can spin WAY faster than that".
Then you notice that the bullet proof, ZZAP! proof, basically Hulk-proof Colossus has a number of shuriken sticking out of him.
"Good grief, he's going to die" I thought.
No.
Colossus sees Shadowcat (struck by a spear by a chap named "Harpoon"), sees Nightcrawler (put into a coma by Riptide) and then grabs the chap by the throat.
And then snaps his neck.
Killing him.
At this point, I reckon around 75% of the teenage population of the world said "fuck" with their jaw below sea-level.
And the coup-de-grace is delivered thus: "Harpoon! Make peace with your god, little man - you are next".
BLOODY HELL FIRE!
Now, as you may have read, I was inspired to write this nonsense by the author of Dave's Long Box, who has patented the term "the F&!K YEAH! files" for moments just like this.
So, to avoid litigation, I will adopt the terminology once used on the original and downright funny magazine Loaded back in the '90's, who said "Good Work Fella!" for the truly awe inspiring and "Bunch Of Arse, Mate!" for the buttock-clenchingly piss poor.
so, all together now:
"GOOD WORK COLOSSUS FELLA!"
his reward for this was to be a quaraplegic for a while, but let this not reduce the importance of his actions...
This is Magneto trying to fix the damage to Colossus after the big chap passed out.
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